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Marry/Date/Kill: ABC Shows

Well, this post is officially a day (or two!) late and a dollar short: ABC made some announcements on Friday that affect the future of two of their new shows, but I’ll get to that.

As a reminder, this is the television version of the game marry/screw/kill, in which I will name three shows and say which I’d marry (give a season pass to), date (watch week to week but don’t necessarily love/commit to) or kill (hate with a fiery passion, or at the very least don’t give a single damn about). As always, let’s start with the new shows:

NEW SHOWS: 666 Park Avenue, Last Resort, The Neighbors

MARRY:  I would have to marry The Neighbors, for two reasons. 1) The show I originally was going to marry is not getting a full season pick up (see DATE below), and 2) I do genuinely enjoy The Neighbors. The first episode was a bit lacking, but it picked up very quickly. It’s very deft at making it’s broad humor somehow very dry as well. It’s a very British-seeming sense of humor. Jamie Gertz grew on me instantly in the second episode- everything that left me feeling disappointed after the first episode was rectified in the first 5 minutes of the second episode. The husband (Lenny Venito) took a little longer to grow on me, as did the eldest daughter (in fact, she’s still on the fence for me). The best humor, in my opinion, comes from the youngest alien, Dick Butkus. The episode “Halloweenween” is by far his best showing, but the Thanksgiving episode was pretty good too. It’s fun to see the show poke fun at aspects of our humanity (Real Housewives, for example), and also surprisingly emotionally true watching the humans show the aliens how a family behaves and loves and protects each other. It’s a guaranteed laugh for me, and probably anyone with a dry, British sense of humour.

DATE: Before Friday, Last Resort would’ve been my Marry show. I LOVE this show. Alack and alas, it was announced that Last Resort is officially on its last legs and won’t be getting a back 9 order. Thankfully, ABC is generous enough (no sarcasm here, btw) to show the full 13-episodes that have been filmed. So, I can’t really rightfully recommend marrying this show, since it’ll be ending in December/January depending on scheduling.

But, pretending this was before Friday, I would very much recommend this show. There’s action and intrigue and just enough romance to be compelling without being distracting. Plus, Scott Speedman in a uniform! The whole show is about this submarine crew who decide to disobey orders because they come through on a back channel, so they want someone to verify the order before nuking Pakistan. They never get the verification, so they don’t nuke Pakistan, are shot at themselves, and decide to overtake an island and are all like, “Test [our no man’s land boundary], and we will all burn together.” And to prove they’re serious, they send a nuke offshore of New York. CRAZY! And it just gets crazier from there, with people being sent to retrieve the sub/kill the crew, the crew having to defend themselves/establish their power over the main island thug, and all the while negotiate a return home. I am not kidding, this show is complete awesomesauce (with the exception that we’re supposed to buy Jessy Schram as Scott Speedman’s wife!), and I would love to recommend it, if only it weren’t ending in about 6 more episodes. I hope it ends well and ties up enough loose ends to be satisfying!

KILL: 666 Park Avenue. I wouldn’t have actually said to kill this show- it’s enjoyable enough- but since ABC decided not to pick up the back 9 for this show either, it’s a lot easier to give the kill order! Like I said, it’s enjoyable enough. Most weeks. Some weeks it’s pretty boring. It’s not quite scary enough, but there’s still some intrigue there. I can easily see why this show didn’t get a full season order (besides the poor ratings)- it just doesn’t quite work. There’s not enough- not scary enough, not enough chemistry between the actors, not enough craziness to be compelling. It’s a weak American Horror Story.

RETURNING SHOWS: Happy Endings, Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal

MARRY: Happy Endings indeed! There’s not a single week I don’t LOL at this show. It’s Friends on crack! I love Jane and Brad’s insane relationship (though Jane needs a sandwich, stat!), and Alex’s complete ditziness. I will admit, Penny took a LONG time to grow on me- like, second season long. Max can still be a bit irritating, but he’s also often the most hilarious part of certain episodes, so I can deal with it. Dave is just so… Dave, what else can I say? This is definitely a show where it can move fast and the reference can be quite off the wall, so I can definitely see how it could rub some people the wrong way. But, if you’re a little weird and zany, I can see this being right up your alley. It’s a bit like Community that way. It is one of those shows, though, where the chemistry between the cast is ridiculous, and I can see bits of myself or my relationships with people (hi, seester!) in their relationships.

DATE: Grey’s Anatomy. How hard did you cry when Mr. Feeney died the other week? Just me? Oh. Ok. Moving on then- this season has been a little slow overall, but it’s been better than some of the recent seasons. It’s been interesting seeing them shake things up a little by having Cristina in Minnesota, but I also feel it was a pretty big cop out that no one else left. Well, April, but the Chief brought her back. Ugh. I would like them to end this April-Jackson relationship immediately. It’s awful, and she’s awful to him- thank goodness he called her on it in this last episode and said to stop comparing their relationship to car accidents or dessert or whatever other awful things she’s compared it to. Be an adult, own that you are now having sex, and move on. If you were serious about recommitting to Jesus and “re-virginizing” yourself, you would stop sleeping with Jackson. But you don’t. Ugh.

I’d like to see them develop the new interns a bit more, even if I do have to pause the DVR and yell at the TV sometimes because of them. SERIOUSLY, they’re already scrubbing in on surgeries? Besides 007’s attempt at an appendectomy, it took until like season 3 for the original interns to get to do half the stuff the new interns are getting to do. Also, why have there been no interns since Lexie’s class, basically? Whatever, annoying inconsistencies are what Shonda do best. Like the fact that in their world it’s only been 5 years- okay, whatever, that means Mer and Der dated for about a month before Addison came back, that it took another 6 weeks for Addison and Derek to finally break up/McSteamy to come out to Seattle, Izzie and Denny knew each other for about 2 weeks before getting engaged, and George was in love with Meredith, Callie and Izzie in the span of 9 months. UGH.

I digressed a little, evidently. Like I said, I’d like them to develop the new interns. I think there’s potential to have full characters in at least three of the interns- Jo, Smash Williams, and Tina Majarino. The fact that I had to call Smash and Tina by their FNL character/real names shows they have a but of work to do there!! But, if Shonda and ABC want this show to continue beyond next season, they need to bring these characters up to speed fast, so that we start to care about them the way we care about Mer or Cristina or even Alex.

KILL: Scandal. I made this one easy on myself! Scandal was intriguing last year- I didn’t love it, but I watched every episode trying to get a good feel for it and decide how I felt. And I felt intrigued. I wanted to see Olivia solve these COWs every week, and wanted to figure out the pregnant/dead intern thing. I liked the heat between Olivia and Fitz, and felt a camaraderie with Quinn in never quite knowing what was going on/how I should be perceiving what Olivia does- is she a good guy, or a very important cog in the evil machine? And of course, the finale was a doozy- who is the real Quinn Perkins? However, the season opener sucked, and from the recaps I’ve read, the show got ridiculous FAST. It’s just not interesting enough anymore; it’s ludicrous. Definitely dump Scandal. Switch over to FX instead and watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League (especially The League!)

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